4am frustrations

So, here I am. Haven't been here in a while, but I'm back. Its 4am and Im brushing up on microbiology. But, thats not my issue. My issue is karate again. Its pissing me off. Yesterday, I went to class with Bendy-chan to karate and iai. Karate was a gorgeous waste of my damn time. Kyoshi spent time teaching lazy girl everything she shouldve known already, and Bendy-chan was being trained for her black belt. What did I do? Nothing. Tank and I stood there like idiots, and drilled stupid self defense wazas that I could never see myself doing. It pissed me off so bad. When is my yellow belt coming? Its been 6 fucking months. I'm going no where quick in that damn class. Iai was worse. There were only two students there, Bendy-chan and myself, and two instructors, Kyoshi and Sword Sensei. I thought "Oh, cool, we can get individual attention." But, nope, fuck that. Both of them went to help Bendy-chan with one of her new kumitachi while I spent a half a fucking hour practicing #1 cuts just to keep myself tired and unangry.

I can safely say it didn't work. I am just fuming. Even on days like yesterday, I'm regarded as no one. Its like I pay someone to ignore or tell me "I need to work on that." Of course I need to work on it!" But, FUCKING SHOW ME WHAT I'M DOING WRONG. So, I spent most of the night juggling whether or not I am going to come back. I was 95% quitting it yesterday, but I figured I would wait and try to cool down. Today, I'm 97% wanting to quit. Whats the point of staying? I mean, seriously. The man probably doesn't wanna put any effort into me b/c I'm obviously not gonna live up here, but thats no excuse to take my money away. He's rejected other students before, but for some reason, he wants me there. Probably b/c I'm Bendy-chan's ride, and he might actually have to get off his big, sweaty ass and teach if she wasn't able to attend.

Fuck that place. Bendy-chan said she was gonna speak to him for me being that she is the highest ranked student, and she's had his ear the longest. Being that I haven't been there long, whatever I say will probably go in one ear and out the other. Do I foresee anything changing? Fuck no. Its gonna be the same. It'll always be the same.